The third and last change at The Useless Pages. Steve Berlin steps down to let John Gephart take over.
Meet the new guy
Hello everyone! I’m John, the new guy, and I’m quite proud to be taking over this fine collection of wackiness.
When my site, The Realm of Niftyness, won three awards as “Site of The Week” in 1998, I was thrilled. When it took home “Most Useless Web Site of the Year,” I was overjoyed. But when Steve emailed me asking if I wanted to take over the Useless Pages, I was downright giddy.
Technically, I start on July 26 (1999, for those of you reading in the crazy world of the future that might just implode via the Y2k bug). Just to see what kind of luck I’ll have as the new host, I consulted the giant, simplified index of “Any Day in History”. I mean, why read one of those thick books with tiny type when you can get all of your facts in sound bite form?
According to the site, July 26 is famous for many things. Benjamin Franklin became the 1st Postmaster General way back in 1775. And who can forget that memorable day in 1905 when P Gotz discovered the asteroid #568 Cheruskia? I know I sure can’t!
The U.S. established the Federal Bureau of Investigation only three years later, probably to investigate that whole “asteroid” thing before moving on to wire-tapping my house and ordering me to stop stalking various celebrities. Later, in 1947, the CIA was also established. Does anyone else see a scary pattern here?
You know those big hunks of metal that revolve around Earth, threatening to plummet and crush us at any given moment? No, I’m not talking about the MIR; I’m talking about satellites! The first geosynchronous communications satellite was launched on this very day in 1963, to the delight of techie-nerds everywhere.
Then there were a few boring decades that don’t deserve any mention. But in 1990, General Hospital taped its 7,000th episode, allowing fans around the world to calculate that they had wasted nearly 292 days of their life simply watching that show!
The history index ends at 1991 with the news that Paul Reubens (a.k.a. Pee Wee Herman) was arrested for exposing himself at an adult movie theater. I think we all remember seeing THAT on the news (not to mention all the lame “Peewee’s new Playhouse” jokes that soon followed).
As you can see, July 26 has always been a big day in history. I’m hopeful I’ll be able to guide the Useless Pages to bigger and better (and of course, more useless) things.
Let the Uselessness begin! Oh, wait . . .OK.
Let the Uselessness continue!
-John Gephart IV
Visit John’s website, the Realm of Niftyness, for more time-wasting fun.
TRON Site of the Week: Send me a Duck