Nice one Dad

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A hand-picked selection of the best dad jokes from around the internet.
Here are some of the best:
Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers
I’m reading a book on the history of glue, I just can’t seem to put it down
What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe? Roberto
I am terrified of elevators,I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them
Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with
What do you call cheese by itself? Provolone
Ill call you later.Don’t call me later, call me Dad
Dad, I’m hungry. Hello, Hungry. I’m Dad
Where does Fonzie like to go for lunch? Chick-Fil-Eyyyyyyyy
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie
I knew I shouldn’t have had the seafood I’m feeling a little eel
What do you call a sketchy Italian neighbour hood? The Spaghetto
Why can’t you have a nose 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot
My wife is on a tropical food diet, the house is full of the stuff It’s enough to make a mango crazy
I’d like to give a big shout out to all the sidewalks for keeping me off the streets
What does an annoying pepper do? It get’s jalapeño face
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field
Why do bees hum? Because they don’t know the words
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire Frostbite
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired
What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine
I’ve just been diagnosed as colorblind I know, it certainly has come out of the purple
Last night I dreamt I was a muffler I woke up exhausted
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea
I just watched a program about beavers It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen
Two satellites decided to get married The wedding wasn’t much, but the reception was incredible
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke? He won the ‘no-bell’ prize
Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
Can February March? No, but April May
Wanna hear a joke about paper? Nevermind, it’s tearable
Don’t trust atoms They make up everything
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them
What do you call somebody with no body and no nose? Nobody knows
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison
What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse
I bought shoes from a drug dealer once I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day
Where do you learn to make ice cream? Sunday school
What did the officer molecule say to the suspect molecule? I’ve got my ion you
If prisoners could take their own mug shots, they’d be called cellfies
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silentI’m not addicated to brake fluid I can stop whenever I wantWhy did the coffee file a police report? It got muggedDid you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphereI hate jokes about german sausages They’re the wurstWhy did the can-crusher quit his job? Because it was soda-pressingI wouldn’t buy anything with velcro It’s a total rip-offDad, can you put the cat out? I didn’t know it was on fireThis graveyard looks overcrowded, people must be dying to get in thereDad, can you put my shoes on? I don’t think they’ll fit me
Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut
Have you heard of the band 1023MB? They haven’t got a gig